Wednesday, September 26, 2012
What am I gonna do with that kid????
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Amazing Weekend
I had one of the best weekends I have had in a really long time! Most favorite was spending it with one of my best friends doing something just for us. Sure I missed my kids and husband, but sometimes you just need me time. Me and Kennedy picked up my friend Amber from the airport early Friday morning, came home and took a little nap. When we got up, we got ready and went to eat at one of my favorite places, Babe's Chicken Dinner House. Amber had never been and I am always looking for a reason to go. After that, we went and got our nails done. Now that is where our US time started. We drove to Dallas to attend the Women of Faith which I have never got to spend with someone I am so close to, so that was a treat for me. After the Friday night conference we went back to the hotel, talked, ate, watched a movie(that by the way was bizarre, but good), but most of all, we just got to hang out with no kids, no husbands, no distractions! Oh almost forgot, we had the most memorable ride home, I couldn't do it justice by describing it, but the ladies in the car with us know what I am talking about! Ha ha. Saturday, we get up, get ready and head back to the conference. Little did I know that one of the speakers that day would be speaking directly to me and part of her story was almost exactly like mine. While all of the speakers were amazing and their faith in God took them through so many struggles, Angie Smith's story was the one I related to the most. 4 yrs ago she got news during her pregnancy that her unborn daughter would probably not make it because she had a list of issues that the doctors could do nothing about. They suggested that she get an abortion, but she chose not to and continue on with the pregnancy even though she knew her baby would not(unless it was God's will) survive. She already had 3 daughters and along with her husband decided to make the best of the pregnancy. The baby girl only survived a couple of hours after being born. If you get a chance to read her story, I would highly recommend it. I was planning on writing this post about my friend and I, but after hearing that story, I thought it better to post about my story.
Now here is my story, in 2003, I gave birth to my daughter Kennedy, she was an awesome baby and now is a 9 year daughter that I am so proud of! After having Kennedy, my doctor found some pre cancerous cells on my cervix that needed to be removed. After performing the procedure he said if I was to get pregnant again one thing he would continually watch is thinning of my cervix that could cause premature labor. So in 2005, we were so excited to find out once again we were expecting. And just like he said my doctor checked my cervix. At 20 weeks we went in to find out what the sex of the baby was. And we found out it was another girl and again my cervix was fine. Then 2 weeks later on April 26, 2005 I woke up for work and felt a ton of pressure, I wasn't in pain, there was just something that didn't feel right. I called the doctor an mine wasn't on call, but his associate that was said what I was describing sounded normal, but he suggested I go in when the office opened to let my doctor check it out. So I waited the 4 hours and went in. I still was in no pain, but when the nurse came in I told her that there was something that just didn't seem right. Then the doctor came in and listened to the baby and said her heartbeat was strong and he didn't think anything was wrong, but he would go ahead and check my cervix while I was there, that's when the day went downhill quickly....... As soon as he looked up, I knew by the look on his face he was about to say something I didn't want to hear. He said I was in labor and he was calling the ambulance to come get me because he couldn't let me drive myself. Then he did something amazing, he sat in the room and prayed with me until the paramedics got there. I started trying to call Mark and he wasn't answering so several people started hunting him down. I got to the hospital, scared and still couldn't find Mark. They immediately started trying to stop the contractions, but that didn't work, so she was coming ready or not. He didn't have hopes that she would survive because she was so small and her lungs were not developed but he still had a NICU doctor come in just in case there was a chance. Somehow and it is still unbelievable to me, but Mark walked in right before she was born and while I don't know how it happened, I thank God for that. They were not able to save her and that was one of the hardest times of my life. The nurses there were so amazing, as was the funeral director, and many other people. I think about Lexi all the time and wonder what she would look like or what her personality would be like, etc.
Now back to the conference, during Angie's story, she asked all the moms to stand who had experienced the loss of a child and at that moment, I found myself not as sad for me, but more for all those other moms who had experienced the loss of a child, because you see I know some of those moms lost children that actually lived passed birth, children they shared experience and memories with, and that loss I couldn't even imagine, or moms that suffered loss during or right after pregnancy and weren't able to have more, again a loss I can't imagine. I had Kennedy and she was what helped me so much. Even though I had this huge empty pit in my stomach and my arms were empty and that was hard to go through I had her smiling face and that was such a blessing.
Almost exactly one year later, we found ourselves back at the doctor's office expecting again. I was so scared, but so thankful for another chance. This time, my I was at the office every two weeks, had my cervix sewn together, then from week 20-36 a nurse came to my house to give me a shot and monitor my baby each week. We found out we were having a boy, and while we really didn't care one way or the other Mark was excited to be having a boy(not sure how he would have made it in a house full of girls). When Cayden was born, I found myself excited, but also felt guilty that I was so happy to have him. The rest they say is history and while I miss Lexi a ton, I CAN NOT imagine my life without Cayden, there is never a dull moment with him and sometimes I think that is because God is telling me to not be sad for the loss, but happy knowing He never left my side!
Now here is my story, in 2003, I gave birth to my daughter Kennedy, she was an awesome baby and now is a 9 year daughter that I am so proud of! After having Kennedy, my doctor found some pre cancerous cells on my cervix that needed to be removed. After performing the procedure he said if I was to get pregnant again one thing he would continually watch is thinning of my cervix that could cause premature labor. So in 2005, we were so excited to find out once again we were expecting. And just like he said my doctor checked my cervix. At 20 weeks we went in to find out what the sex of the baby was. And we found out it was another girl and again my cervix was fine. Then 2 weeks later on April 26, 2005 I woke up for work and felt a ton of pressure, I wasn't in pain, there was just something that didn't feel right. I called the doctor an mine wasn't on call, but his associate that was said what I was describing sounded normal, but he suggested I go in when the office opened to let my doctor check it out. So I waited the 4 hours and went in. I still was in no pain, but when the nurse came in I told her that there was something that just didn't seem right. Then the doctor came in and listened to the baby and said her heartbeat was strong and he didn't think anything was wrong, but he would go ahead and check my cervix while I was there, that's when the day went downhill quickly....... As soon as he looked up, I knew by the look on his face he was about to say something I didn't want to hear. He said I was in labor and he was calling the ambulance to come get me because he couldn't let me drive myself. Then he did something amazing, he sat in the room and prayed with me until the paramedics got there. I started trying to call Mark and he wasn't answering so several people started hunting him down. I got to the hospital, scared and still couldn't find Mark. They immediately started trying to stop the contractions, but that didn't work, so she was coming ready or not. He didn't have hopes that she would survive because she was so small and her lungs were not developed but he still had a NICU doctor come in just in case there was a chance. Somehow and it is still unbelievable to me, but Mark walked in right before she was born and while I don't know how it happened, I thank God for that. They were not able to save her and that was one of the hardest times of my life. The nurses there were so amazing, as was the funeral director, and many other people. I think about Lexi all the time and wonder what she would look like or what her personality would be like, etc.
Now back to the conference, during Angie's story, she asked all the moms to stand who had experienced the loss of a child and at that moment, I found myself not as sad for me, but more for all those other moms who had experienced the loss of a child, because you see I know some of those moms lost children that actually lived passed birth, children they shared experience and memories with, and that loss I couldn't even imagine, or moms that suffered loss during or right after pregnancy and weren't able to have more, again a loss I can't imagine. I had Kennedy and she was what helped me so much. Even though I had this huge empty pit in my stomach and my arms were empty and that was hard to go through I had her smiling face and that was such a blessing.
Almost exactly one year later, we found ourselves back at the doctor's office expecting again. I was so scared, but so thankful for another chance. This time, my I was at the office every two weeks, had my cervix sewn together, then from week 20-36 a nurse came to my house to give me a shot and monitor my baby each week. We found out we were having a boy, and while we really didn't care one way or the other Mark was excited to be having a boy(not sure how he would have made it in a house full of girls). When Cayden was born, I found myself excited, but also felt guilty that I was so happy to have him. The rest they say is history and while I miss Lexi a ton, I CAN NOT imagine my life without Cayden, there is never a dull moment with him and sometimes I think that is because God is telling me to not be sad for the loss, but happy knowing He never left my side!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Remember 9/11
So just like everyone else, today has been a day where I remember once again what I was doing on 9/11/01. I was sitting at my desk at work when a friend called me and he asked if I had heard about a plane hitting the World Trade Center in New York. I hadn't heard so I pulled up CNN on my computer and saw something I didn't think could look any worse. But of course we know after the one plane hit, it did get worse. A second plane.......The visual of that is still devestating to even think about! So then because in my mind, this had to be an odd coincidence, I heard about the plane that hit the pentagon, then a forth plane landed in a field in Pennsylvania. Wow, the thought hits, THIS IS NO ACCIDENT!!! My heart just sank. Then seeing all those people rushing out of the World Trade Center, and yet HEROS rushing in, still amazes me that there are people who give their all for others.
That night there was an overload of prayers!!!! The country was so close together and patriotism was everywhere. I never noticed how many planes you hear in the sky until silence.....no planes flying. First time I think it hit that this is really happening, here in America. Doesn't this only happen in other countries???? I thought that so many times. I was so far away, but prayed for all those people affected and all the first responders who didn't hesitate to go help others, and ended up losing their lives. So sad to think of the people on the floors above texting and calling loved ones to let them know they were okay, when they had no idea that the buildings were about to collapse with them still in it. Who would have thought the heat would be so intense. All of the images surrounding the attacks are still hard to look at to this day. One night on Secret Millionaire they sent a young guy to New York and one of the places he visited was a center for firemen to come visit with other firemen, seek counseling, and just be around some of their own. One firemen said the hardest thing about thinking about that day was the fact they had to leave some of their brothers behind which is something they are taught never to do, and you could see in his face that he was still haunted by that. One thing I thought about when I saw that was that yeah he did leave their bodies behind, but they brought them out of there in their hearts.
So much has changed since then, one thing I wished hadn't was the compassion people had for each other. Where did that go?
My friend said it best on her facebook today and this is so true, she said:(I hope if she reads this she doesn't mind that I borrowed it)
Do you know that the attack made on us eleven years ago made me love my country even more than I ever did? That it strengthened my resolve even more to stand up for what I believe in? To do whatever it takes to protect and preserve those truths upon which this country was built? That it caused me to draw even nearer to a good and sovereign God, lifting my country and its leaders in prayer daily?
I loved my country before this happened, but love it even more now!!!!!
God Bless and Prayers to the lives lost on this day 11 years ago and all those they left behind!!!
That night there was an overload of prayers!!!! The country was so close together and patriotism was everywhere. I never noticed how many planes you hear in the sky until silence.....no planes flying. First time I think it hit that this is really happening, here in America. Doesn't this only happen in other countries???? I thought that so many times. I was so far away, but prayed for all those people affected and all the first responders who didn't hesitate to go help others, and ended up losing their lives. So sad to think of the people on the floors above texting and calling loved ones to let them know they were okay, when they had no idea that the buildings were about to collapse with them still in it. Who would have thought the heat would be so intense. All of the images surrounding the attacks are still hard to look at to this day. One night on Secret Millionaire they sent a young guy to New York and one of the places he visited was a center for firemen to come visit with other firemen, seek counseling, and just be around some of their own. One firemen said the hardest thing about thinking about that day was the fact they had to leave some of their brothers behind which is something they are taught never to do, and you could see in his face that he was still haunted by that. One thing I thought about when I saw that was that yeah he did leave their bodies behind, but they brought them out of there in their hearts.
So much has changed since then, one thing I wished hadn't was the compassion people had for each other. Where did that go?
My friend said it best on her facebook today and this is so true, she said:(I hope if she reads this she doesn't mind that I borrowed it)
Do you know that the attack made on us eleven years ago made me love my country even more than I ever did? That it strengthened my resolve even more to stand up for what I believe in? To do whatever it takes to protect and preserve those truths upon which this country was built? That it caused me to draw even nearer to a good and sovereign God, lifting my country and its leaders in prayer daily?
I loved my country before this happened, but love it even more now!!!!!
God Bless and Prayers to the lives lost on this day 11 years ago and all those they left behind!!!
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Great Weekend
So this weekend started the season for Softball and Soccer. Kennedy and her team had a good game winning 14-3. I hope they continue to stay on the winning side of things, although they are pretty good about not getting down when they lose. I know her coach prefers the win, but it's nice to know that they don't take it to heart when they lose! In the end it is all just a game after all. Cayden started soccer, which was a beating for me. He said he wanted to play soccer until it comes time to actually play and now he doesn't. This will be the last season of sports for him! After the games we just relaxed and didn't do much. Then today was church, a nap, and Mark cooked out on the grill. I love those kind of Sundays!
The one thing missing is our friends in Arizona. We sent them a box this past week(well for two of them) and I got a picture of Caden in his pajamas we sent him that Cayden grew out of. His face was so cute. And to hear he called Cayden Nash his best friend made my heart smile. As much as they didn't like each other here I think the miles between them makes the difference! They will probably have a love/hate relationship for a long time. But will probably be lifelong friends anyway!
As I get the kids ready for bed tonight, Cayden comes in and talks about he won't be here tomorrow because he is going to a battle with his Pokemon cards. Yeah just out of the blue. I look at Mark and said 'I really wonder if his mind ever rest?' He just amazes me with some of the things he says that really make no sense to anyone but him. Then after he was supposed to be in bed I go in his room and his lamp is on and he is sitting in the floor so I tell him to turn off the light and get in bed. His response 'No, that's okay, I am staying up!' Really it wasn't a suggestion! Even as I am typing here is again telling me about his battle tomorrow. Wonder what that kid will be when he grows up?????? Should be interesting.
The one thing missing is our friends in Arizona. We sent them a box this past week(well for two of them) and I got a picture of Caden in his pajamas we sent him that Cayden grew out of. His face was so cute. And to hear he called Cayden Nash his best friend made my heart smile. As much as they didn't like each other here I think the miles between them makes the difference! They will probably have a love/hate relationship for a long time. But will probably be lifelong friends anyway!
As I get the kids ready for bed tonight, Cayden comes in and talks about he won't be here tomorrow because he is going to a battle with his Pokemon cards. Yeah just out of the blue. I look at Mark and said 'I really wonder if his mind ever rest?' He just amazes me with some of the things he says that really make no sense to anyone but him. Then after he was supposed to be in bed I go in his room and his lamp is on and he is sitting in the floor so I tell him to turn off the light and get in bed. His response 'No, that's okay, I am staying up!' Really it wasn't a suggestion! Even as I am typing here is again telling me about his battle tomorrow. Wonder what that kid will be when he grows up?????? Should be interesting.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Cayden
This blog will probably contain many posts about Cayden, because there is never a dull moment with that kid. Cayden's two favorite things in life at this point are pajamas and blankets. If we have no where to go, he will be in pajamas and he loves to be covered up with a blanket. It's so bad that I have to make him 'check out' one blanket at a time. He isn't allowed to get another one unless he brings me the one he has been using. So today he was walking around the house with his blanket wrapped around him and he goes by the dirty clothes basket and my bra gets caught on his blanket. I didn't notice it and I hear him laughing in the living room. He then comes around the corner holding my bra and goes, 'Sorry mom here's your fake boobies, they got caught on my blanket!' Oh that kid, and my fear is that he will go to school and say that, I just hope if he does they tell me so I can explain...haha.
Cayden has a mind that I don't think ever quits, which means you never know what you will get from him. He is our source of entertainment. Some of his other favorites are dinosaurs, power rangers, spongebob, and his PawPaw. He gets real angry if you say anything ugly about his PawPaw. However, it is okay for him to be mean to him. When Cayden was just three, my father in law, taught Cayden how to lock up his shed, that lesson would come back to bite him in the bottom. You see one day they were in the shed and Cayden looks at him and says, 'PawPaw I am going to lock you in here' and he quickly shut the door and locked it before he could stop him. Not only did he lock him in, but he ran in the house and didn't say a word to his grandma. So Junior is in the shed trying to get her attention by throwing things at the back door out the window and she is walking by the door thinking the wind is blowing stuff around. Eventually he has to crawl out the window and what does he find when he gets in the house????? Cayden sitting in the AC watching cartoons. Needless to say, next time we went over there, the lock was moved to the top of the door.......Yep he loves his Paw Paw!!!!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Kennedy
So my next post is about Kennedy. God did not put me on the earth to be my child's best friend, however if I was a 9 yr old girl, I would hope He would give me a friend like Kennedy. She can be a little bossy, and know everything, but when she thinks of someone as her friend, she is extremely loyal and has a huge heart. She loves the game of softball and her team Orange Crush. She has played on that team since she was in Kindergarten and they have become a big part of our lives.
AMBER STOP READING HERE!!!!(IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ ON, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!!)
Now more about friendship......About a year ago Kennedy met what will probably be her best friend forever, Katie. I can't even describe the bond those girls have, it makes my heart smile to see Kennedy smiles when she talks about Katie. They were in the same class in 3rd grade, and through the girls our families also became close. Katie spent a lot of time with us over the past year and she is now more like family to me then just Kennedy's friend. However, over this past summer Katie's family decided to move back to Arizona where they are from and this has been really hard on Kennedy, and quite honestly our whole family. We miss them tons!!!! I can't wait until we can go see them, but it will not come soon enough. I think the only one this hasn't been an adjustment for is Cayden, because you see Katie has a little brother also named Caden and the Ca(y)den's do not get along! They have a hate/hate friendship!!!!! If you know them together, you will understand what I mean. But Cayden is excited to go see them because he will actually get to fly in a plane when we go.
Well I am tired so that is it for now........
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